LIVING RECOVERY : VERONAS STORY

I was born into an addiction run family.

My mother liked to run head first into drugs and alcohol, and my father buried himself in his work.

When I was young I didn’t truly see anything wrong with the way my family operated, punishments meant 15 minute planks as a 6 year old, relief meant a drive.

Somehow, for some reason, unbeknownst to me, we were always poor, and it wasn’t until I was 7 or 8 that I found that out. Around that time my mom was living with a Man I damn well didn’t like, in a house where the basement was dirt and run by rats, where an apple sat turning to mush in the hallway for only God knows how long. i was with them for 8 months, it felt like 2 years. I won’t go into detail of how that man was, but he didn’t like me, he didn’t like my brother either, I didn’t care that he didn’t like me, I cared that he tried to hit my brother more then once when my mother wasn’t around. of course I took the hits.

My brother doesn’t remember.

When I was 9, I tried to end my own life, at that point I was living with my mom again outside of town with a different man. I tried to jump off a cliff because I was losing my eyesight and we didn’t have the funds for my appointments. I got stuck in a tree, walked my ass home with a couple bruises and a few scratches.

Middle school was brutal for me, I thought I was a boy and I’d be happier that way; and around that time i was dipping my toes in the drug fountain.

Highschool wasn’t any better, yea I cut my dope, but alcohol made itself very known and very loved in my system. It didn’t help that I was a loner, I didn’t have many friends throughout the four years of being in highschool, not for any lack of trying, people just didn’t like themselves and all I did was mimic others, it was hard not too.

Near the end of highschool, I was living with my father, who ran our household like a military base; I became their personal maid for a lack of a better word.

My father has and will always be, a raging pot head, so no surprise that we had plants being dried in the back shed and it was no surprise that the child he didn’t allow to have any outside contact was sneaking in there stealing buds while he was asleep or at work.

months of me doing that, 3 months of stealing, hiding, smoking. Three months of psychosis and nobody knew, nobody cared too.

One day, I was doing the dishes while my father was at work, I had just come back from walking our dog and smoking; the next thing i know, i’m on the ground, my head inside a cupboard and my feet up on the open dishwasher, I had a seizure, it made me feel like TV static, and yes it scared me, but I liked it.

I started to chase that feeling, but I never got it again, what I did get was a deeper psychosis, raging paranoia, the constant feeling of being watched; and I started to feel like I was able to hear other peoples thoughts. Thats when I realized I really needed help.

Since then, i’ve just turned 20 in my sobriety, happy to have over a month clean.!!!!

I have my mother back in my life, along with my brothers and even if it’s still rocky, I know I have my father.

Life is good now and i’m hopeful it will stay that way.