I am a “Grateful Member”, I am an alcoholic, and I want to share about the fellowship that saved my life.

I first went to Alcoholics Anonymous when I was 18. All I knew about AA was that it was where people in trouble with drink went and through some mysterious process were able to stop drinking. I wanted to stop drinking because of the damage it was doing to me and my family, and yet despite being desperately miserable, I was reluctant to go to AA as I found it impossible to believe that a group of ex drunks attending meetings could help me. I did not think I would find much in common with them. I was too young for a start. They would all probably be over 40. I was barely out of school. I was physically OK or so I thought.. I had a bed to sleep in, a warm home and food to eat. Outwardly I looked fairly fit and together, except when I was drunk (which was often) I had only been drinking 5 years. I didn’t drink all day….only in the evening. I guessed that real alcoholics had been drinking for years and carried a bottle around and drank all the time. I was too privileged. I guessed that AA members would all have histories of abuse in their childhood, or patterns of heavy drinking in their families. I had a caring, stable family circle whose idea of drinking was opening a bottle of wine at Christmas. I was too well educated. I knew what damage alcohol could do, but this didn’t seem to make any difference. I just could not stop. I thought I might have to take pledges impossible to keep, or have some kind of religious belief. I had no faith in god or in anything and I had been promising to keep away from alcohol for years( and meaning it) but to no affect.

Yet AA was (and is) definitely the right place for me. Thank goodness I made that first phone call and got to a meeting. I know now I was very ill and may not have lived to see 21 if I carried on the way I was doing. I had to drink, and when I drank, I always got drunk. I got injured, got burnt; I drove drunk, got mixed up in dangerous situations. I behaved badly, I upset people…especially my family, but when I tried to keep away from alcohol I was too much of a nervous wreck to cope with everyday things like talking to people and managing a day’s work. I had not been able to continue my education and go to university because of this extreme withdrawn state which was only relieved by having a drink of alcohol.

I had started drinking when I was 13. This was not particularly unusual. All my friends seemed to be drinking. But as time went on, they were drinking through choice whilst it was becoming necessary for me. I became progressively more uncomfortable if I did not drink. My behaviour

may have appeared like teenage surliness or rebellion but I was in fact becoming more and more frightened. I was out of control. My pride encouraged the surly and rebellious assessment. It was more macho to be bad than to be sick, but I was beaten by alcohol and eventually I had to admit it.

This admission was all I needed to make a start in Alcoholics Anonymous. Making a phone call (the number in Jersey is 726681) and talking, or just listening to an AA member and attending my first meeting was a very straightforward and simple procedure, but, because of the state I was in, I found it difficult to do. I am so glad I did it. It was the most important decision of my life.

At Alcoholics Anonymous no assessment was made of my drinking habits or the quantity I drank. Nobody judged me. No one at AA told me I was an alcoholic. They spoke only about themselves, about the misery of their drinking and how stopping drinking with the help of AA had transformed their lives. It was my decision whether I wanted what they had…sobriety. I decided to continue going to Meetings and to try and stay away from a drink one day at a time. It worked and without having to drink alcohol I found I could become myself again, find confidence and self esteem, enjoy life and make my own choices without the compulsion to drink entering the picture.

The only requirement for membership for Alcoholics Anonymous is a desire to stop drinking. How much you drank, who you drank with, where you drank, what age you are, how rich, how poor…none of it matters because AA concentrates on staying sober and helping others to achieve sobriety. AA members stay sober a day at a time.

The day at a time business, apart from being a method that works and has helped millions to stop drinking, ensures that AA is a fellowship without hierarchy, without bosses, without teachers or counsellors (unless that is what members do in their outside profession ) I love this about AA. I was able to join without shame for past deeds. I was a member because I wanted to be and felt I belonged because the business of all members is the same….stay away from alcohol. My youth did not set me apart. I identified with the distress and the heartache that fellow members were describing and gained hope and strength from their ability to stay sober through good times and bad.

These days there are in fact many young people in AA. Being young they may use their sobriety