My name is Alvaro and I’m an addict. I never thought I would become one. From an early age, I was educated in the church since my parents were leaders of different church groups and this kept us going to church all the time. I was an altar boy, a scout, and part of a team of coordinators of the youth ministry. Several events marked my life. My father was aggressive and would beat us in anger and without measure. I remember being unable to breathe and collapsing on many occasions as a result of his beatings. My parents worked all day, making me feel like an abandoned child, watched only by the housekeeper. She didn’t want me there and would keep me outside all day so that I wouldn’t disturb her. She also hit me many times. As a result of the aggression I was subjected to, I developed a hatred of people. The only things I enjoyed doing was getting into trouble and hitting my brothers to get even for my own suffering. At five years of age, I smoked cigarettes for the first time and we formed a gang. Neighbors would forbid their kids from playing with us. I started having problems at school. I wanted to be the best looking and the most popular kid, and it was impossible for me to accept that I wasn’t. I saw myself as the most good-looking, intelligent and educated guy from the best family. To win acceptance, I would sit next to the girls in my class and ask them, one by one, if they wanted to be my ggirlfriend. Young Addicts in Recovery | Personal Stories 7 Being rejected made me very angry because, in my mind, I was the best and could not accept the shame of feeling like a loser. One day, in a game, I was supposed to kiss a girl on the lips and she refused, which really left a mark on me. I started hating all my schoolmates. If they hated me back, I would hate them even more because this was my defense mechanism. Feeling rejected and full of hate, I started wanting to die more and more, and suicide seemed like an excellent way for me to get my revenge. My uncle became a politician. Being caught up in that atmosphere made me arrogant, and my cousin would tell me that I was better than my classmates and friends because I was the nephew of the deputy. This inflated my ego and made me feel even more superior. From the time I started school, I was bullied every year. In 1996, I got to know romance, sex, liquor, and drugs. My whole life changed. I was 17 years old at the time and had found a way to ease the ‘pain of living’. In a church group, I met the people who introduced me to my drug of choice. I immediately lost all control. My life suddenly revolved around it. I couldn’t do anything else but hate society and use drugs. I lost all sense of boundaries and my parents held an intervention. They put me in rehab and when I got out, one of the other patients took me to Narcotics Anonymous. I was still far from giving up drugs. I fell in love with a woman at the meeting, stopped working on the program, and used again. At my second NA regional convention, I was high and noticed that everyone looked happy. I was there among them but suffering because even though recovery was available to Young Addicts in Recovery | Personal Stories 8 me, I didn’t want it. One night, I reflected upon my life, and finally surrendered. I was fed up with hating and suffuffering. I decided to go back to NA and follow all the suggestions my sponsors had given me. From that day on, I have never used again and I now live a happy life. I learned that I don’t need a substance, thing or place in order to change my feelings, and that I don’t need to be afraid. Today, I have been clean for 24 years, thanks to my Higher Power, the fellowship, and goodwill. I was given the gift of recovery, and it is now my responsibility to share it with others. Every time I meet with a sponsee, I feel the healing working in me and more is revealed to me. I love my life now – and the NA program. I don’t know what would have happened to me without it.
