When I initially started in GA, I had no idea where I was, wanted, felt or why I became the compulsive gambler. Many things in my life became unmanageable: relationships, finances, emotions. All I knew was that gambling allowed me to forgo all these responsibilities and hide in the isolation. Eventually, once I became isolated form the world, my focus was on my gambling addiction; feeding it, hiding it, and financing it. Feeding my gambling addiction took much time, money, and neglect. Many hours; sometimes days consumed my time. The money spent during these gambling escapades. The neglect for sleeping, eating, and emotional stability.
My addiction became the “snowball effect.” As my gambling addiction grew, so did all the negative aspects in my life: emotional, financial, humane. None were positive in my life. With the help of a family intervention, I found out about (GA) Gamblers Anonymous. As I went through the 12-step program, I began to feel different; neither positive nor negative; just different.
In feeling different, I was not sure at all what to expect; who else would be there. Thinking to myself, are there really other people out there with the same problems as me? As I began taking each step within the GA Program; that “cloud” began to lift. When the cloud slowly begins to lift, a person begins to make room for themselves and take a look around. When a person looks around, they begin to see some of the destruction they have done across all aspects of their life during their gambling addiction. The “wow” factor hits a person and emotions, which were covered by addiction, began to come back slowly.
As you go through the program, you meet people just like you and the journey of fellowship begins. Connecting with others about your past issues, current feelings, and future dreams brings a person “back to ground.” This foundation is then laid so a person has a direction to evaluate, assess and measure their and their peers success through the program. In saying this, the GA Program is very fluid in that even failures, during the journey; are success. The steps within the GA Program allowed me to seek a positive direction. The fellowship, with other members, helps address any loose ends or hang-ups that may occur along the way. Sometimes I may take two steps forward and one step backward but the GA Program allows you to be human and always seek a positive path in managing your addiction.
As I went through the latter steps of the GA Program; the ongoing theme was to seek a higher power. Simply something positive. Whatever works for a person. To me, fellowship is much like a higher power because I can simply dispel any negatives and keep my journey moving positively to regain my human self again. A higher power helps fill those gaps of doubt, despair, and confusion with hope, happiness, and direction. Who doesn’t want that, right? Seeking a higher power is like remembering junior high dances. The music is playing and everybody is standing around, looking at each other, but not dancing. The higher power is the dancing, all you have to do is ask someone to dance. Get out there and dance (seek your higher power) and guess what? Others follow and begin dancing too and that speaks volumes of how important fellowship with other members is and finding and creating a higher power of your own understanding.
Currently, I still remain gambling free. As the GA Program has taught, we are never free of gambling. We are given tools to manage when any gambling urges come around.
